I'm Here Under Duress
Okay, maybe that's a little extreme, but I didn't set out to do any of this. I mean, I graduated with a Creative Writing degree. It wasn't until I was a senior at West Virginia that I realized I should have done something a little more marketable - like marketing! I'm also a product of my generation, right? If the internet and website development had been a thing when I was in high school, my whole trajectory may have been different.
But it turns out that what I really wanted was balance (not balanced literacy, ACTUAL balance). I wanted to have a job that was just a job, make enough money to be comfortable, and be able to leave the job on Friday and not think about it for the weekend. It turns out that office jobs are sort of right up my alley. I worked in a job that I didn't really like for a number of years, but I enjoyed my coworkers so it was bearable. I was downsized in 2003 and I took the Oregon Reading First job because
- I wanted some stability (I knew there was funding for at least 5 years), and
- I had been planning my wedding and discovered that I had a bit of a knack for event planning.
Fortunately or unfortunately, my job wasn't the kind of thing that you left at the office. I traveled, I got calls after hours, and I worked lots of overtime. But as the years passed, I became invested. I listened to what the researchers and coaches were saying, I started to understand the data that they were looking at and I appreciated the passion that everyone had for helping kids learn to read.
Then, I moved on to the Reading Clinic where I spent a lot of time talking to parents - Parents who didn't know how to help their kids, parents who were desperate for help, and parents who needed a sympathetic ear. And as the years progressed and I spent more and more time reading reports and talking to our tutors and our grad students, I became more knowledgeable and more invested.
And then suddenly I was the one who didn't know how to help my son, I was a desperate parent, and I needed a sympathetic ear.
Why Am I Even Talking About This?
Because those of us who have been in the fight for years are battle weary. We're cynical and maybe just a little bitter. Some days the rage keeps us going. Some days, we feel righteous power...and some days we don't.
All I'm saying here is that sometimes we don't ask to be in the position we are in. And some days that position is more difficult than others.
This past week I found myself really feeling pulled in too many directions and it turns out that a lot of self-doubt crops up when I get pulled in too many directions...and maybe I just want to go watch my son play some basketball and have a little party and not think about the state of literacy in our country for a minute. We all have to take some time to recharge occasionally.
Advocacy is downright draining especially when there are emotions involved.😊
Not to worry, I'm already back at it. I am STILL an #accidentalliteracyadvocate